devoid of emotion

Studies isn't the reason I'm not writing here, I could have squeezed out some time for this precious blog if I wanted to, but I didn't. Because I don't have much to say lately. There were brief moments of sadness and jealousy enough to make me cry, but not enough emotions to have that strong need to pen everything down. Moments where I thought about and understood things but never wrote them anywhere because they're so trivial.

I don't know which matters more, a slightly more focused mind (finally) or my emotions. Think I'd gladly embrace the latter so I can have my words back but that's impossible when my heart is numb and I don't love anybody that much right? It's the only reason why I'm less insecure and worried about relationships (all kinds) working out in the future. Simply do not love as much.

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There was a particular post I wrote that ended up in the drafts. After awhile I just gave up on the idea of writing things about me feeling as independent as ever. Yup, I've been feeling far too fine on my own lately to let myself be bothered about being alone. "Bothered" isn't even in the dictionary. (you have to at least feel to be bothered). It's more of the complete absence of such feelings.

It's an inevitable thing to think about the future and for once, I could see myself enjoying life as a single lady (with nobody to put a ring on it). *been listening to beyonce* But honestly, yes. No need to compromise, no arguments (how tiring), no hurt, just independent and self-sufficient me. You see why I didn't publish that post? I can already see some eyes rolling away.

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I'm now unable to delve into the depths of my soul, in search for the right words to describe those intense emotions, those abstract things only the ones who've been in the same boat can understand. Rather, there isn't even a need to try. And it annoys me slightly that I'm like that.